Goodbye, my friend

Early this month, I was saddened by the news that a friend who became close to me died. For the last four years, I've wanted to see him, but perhaps I did not try enough and that was what made me have some guilt feelings, until I wrote this.

Joel wanted to excel in everything that he does. His dream was to be somebody that people will look up to someday. When we became close, he was taking up masters. We were partners in a ballroom dance club we attended after office, just outside the area where my office was. He would usually wait in my office, would usually rehearse his speech for his masters class, but whenever he did that, he would give the impression that he is a good speaker talking in front of an audience, much like a younger Boy Abunda of the Philippines. I knew about his weaknesses, but his strengths could easily cover them up. He was a person with big dreams, but sometimes, he would need people to boost his morale, and I was one of those people.

During the last day of his wake in Manila, I wanted to say “Goodbye, Joel”, but I could hardly say it and all I've said was the word “bye” that almost couldn't come out of my mouth. When I was about to leave with my companions who were also his close friends, I jokingly told them, “pinipigilan nya akong umalis” (“he was stopping me to leave now”). It was already morning when I arrived home because we still stopped by “Burger King” to eat. I went to the kitchen, opened the faucet to drink tap water when I saw a small moth fly to the sink from the tiled top, when it felt my presence. I was reminded of two symbols, the moth or butterfly symbolizing death or a dead person, and the presence of water which is where the lingering souls on earth prefer to stay. So I thought “this might be Joel saying thank you and goodbye”. With that in my mind, I decided to take a photo of the moth.

When I downloaded the photo to my laptop and checked the resolution by zooming it in, I was surprised to see a figure on the moth that looked like a man with thin but muscular frame that is waving. That was how Joel looked, and that could be his way of saying goodbye. It could be only me who could see that figure, but no matter how I try to convince myself that the figure was made up in my mind, I could still see the figure of a man that looked like Joel. And as I cropped the photo to create a closer view and made it brighter just now, I couldn't stop some tears to fall from my eyes.

As far as I'm concerned, my friend found a way to say “Goodbye”, not only to me but to all his friends, because he knew I will help him even after his death, by publishing this post with the photo, and that support is also my best way to say “Goodbye, my friend, rest in peace”.