Five years ago, when I was involuntarily retired just like my husband who was retired a year earlier than me, I found it necessary to study Interior Design to support my husband's possible venture in renovating offices or houses. However, my studies compromised an earlier promise to send my special child's caregiver to school, but promised that after I finish, which would be after two years, we'll push through with the plan for her to study.
Unfortunately, I had to stop my studies for financial reasons. The renovation business did not materialize, succeeding business ventures did not work, the coffee kiosk business remained but couldn't support any extra expenses and we had to pay cash for the balance of the lot where we've already paid 20% down payment. Until we can no longer sustain the coffee kiosk and I had to find a job but was not fortunate to find one. To continue my schooling as well as that of the child's caregiver was still in my thoughts but I had no choice but to defer those dreams. Until the caregiver sent her younger sister to school, I didn't notice that another two years had passed, because I thought that she decided to sacrifice herself since she and her sister couldn't go to school at the same time. She will need to shell out money for her own studies since it was not possible for her to depend totally on me for her studies, by the time I will have money to help her. During those times of financial crisis, I always dream in my sleep about a class I had to attend but either I forgot about my schedule or I will already be late for the class.
Early this month, the caregiver of my child left with a broken heart though she told me she'll just have a vacation. She never voiced out her dream to continue studying maybe because the previous years, she knew that I had to find a job and when I found one last year, I needed to wait to be regularized. For health reasons however, I had to resign meaning I won't be receiving a monthly income again. Maybe, if only she voiced out about her dream, I could have done something about it. She knew that I still continue dreaming for her because more than once in the recent past, I told her it would be good for her to study Physical Therapy and open a Wellness Center in their province someday. She never said anything about that idea, nor voiced out any other options she preferred.
I am very sad because she left telling others I did not fulfill any promise I made. It was never my intention not to fulfill those promises, in fact, a month before her scheduled vacation, I told her that one promise I made can soon be realized, and that was for us to go to Hongkong and visit the Disneyland there, together with my husband and sister-in-law, and that can surely push through as our Tiens' Indonesian upline's incentive to me, my husband and sister-in-law for the ranks we attained in Tiens.
Perhaps taking care of a special needs child takes a lot of patience and if that can be the compromise to voice out one's dreams to fulfill them, one can have second thoughts about voicing them out. But I admire my caregiver's patience and I believe there were other reasons that, or the totality of several reasons, kept her silent. Anyway, I'm still hoping and praying that she'll come back.
Now I'm sure I won't dream about a missed class in my sleep anymore, because it isn't really my dream, but somebody else's dream that is more important to be fulfilled.
My biggest dream remains, and that is for me and my special child to go to U.S.A. for a sponsored rehabilitation program for my child. Her caregiver was part of that dream, if her VISA will be approved, I told her.
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